Today after I got off work I was feeling really warm inside.
I called him and without even returning the "Hello" I said
"I love you and I want you to know that I really care about you and feel blessed that we have what we have. I've been in love before, but the emotional feelings that I have for you are nothing like what I have for you. I love being in love with you."
For the next 30 minutes without letting him say anything since the initial "Hello", I told him how much I cared about him and how happy he makes me and reminisced on the past 6 (almost 7) months we've shared together.
He was speechless.
It was cute
He was just in awe and was really tickled.
He said I made him feel like a little school boy.
I wanted him to feel good
I was feeling really good at that moment and he was all that I could think of and the warmth that came over me lead me to say those things to him. It was my way of letting him feel appreciated.
That was around 10:30pm
We just hung up, what time is it? A little after 1am
And my Coco Puff didn't sound too good.
I asked him what he was doing this weekend.
He said nothing.
I have Thursday and Friday off this week and I asked him if he wound mind me driving down.
He said he does mind.
I asked him why and if he didn't want to see me.
He said he didn't know why, but he minds.
Now I'm sad.
This weekend will be 2 weeks since I last saw him.
I know it's not that long, but when it was time for me to come back out here for school we devised a plan to see eachother every two weeks. A total of only TWICE A MONTH. The first 2 weeks he would come out here to Rhode Island and visit me on campus. And the next 2 weeks I would drive home to New York to go see him.
It hasn't been going like that.
When I first came back to school, the last time I had seen him was August 19th and I didn't see him again until September 4th when my girl and I went to New York for the West Indian Labor Day Juve and Parade. So that wasn't even a real visit.
After that I saw him the weekend of September 23rd, which was our first real personal time together.
After that I seen him the weekend of October 14th and the weekend of the 21st. This was the first month we seen eachother as scheduled.
After the weekend of the 21st I didn't see him again until Thanksgiving. He was here for 4 days, but the in between time is what is bothering me.
After Thanksgiving he was too busy with work to come down anytime before Christmas so I didn't get to see him until Christmas.
Now, my winterbreak is soon to be over and this new job has me occupied just about everyday. I figured we could both jump on this opportunity, right?
But he minds if I drive down there...
WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT?!?!?
Getting off the phone the way we did tonight didn't feel right.