Almost There

It feels like months ago, I was excited about starting graduate school. It was a new chapter in my life because up until that moment, no one in my family had gone to Graduate School to pursue a Masters Degree. This was legendary.

My family supported my endeavors. My Coco Puff supported me. And of course my Divas did as well. I started this journey in the NYC Teaching Fellowship, a program established to bring in non education bound people into the education field to fulfill high need positions in low income schools. They bring you in on a crash course track that feels like a roller coaster the whole way through.

For starters, I started my Graduate coursework during the summer of 2008 and I was unable to work at all because I had to co-teach at a summer school from 8-12, then I raced to classes at my assigned college from 1-7. I did this everyday all summer. I had no income and I was exhausted and stressed about becoming a teacher. Additionally at this point I had no secure placement in a school for the upcoming school year.

Somehow I got through it.

August 2008 comes and I was put in a special education classroom with no real life hands on training at all. I had all the theory taught and learned in textbooks behind me, but that's about it. In addition to working full time as a "teacher" I was attending 2 graduate courses a week for 3 hours at a time. When the days are over, I felt overwhelmed and unsure of myself. How can I teach these kids with all of their different disabilities and all of my many insecurities?

Somehow I got through it.

When Winter Break came in December 2008 it felt like a dream come true, but unfortunately the NYC Teaching Fellows don't look at that time as a time for you to enjoy your vacation after working so hard at a strenuous job and a rigorous course load. They had me attend class Mon-Thurs during the winter intercession(Jan 2009) every day! The winter intercession only applies to colleges, meaning elementary schools aren't on break anymore, so I went to work everyday and then raced to class from 5-830 every night. It was horrible!

Somehow I got through it.

Three days after intercession ended the spring semester begins and the torture begins again from Feb-May 2009.

Somehow I got through it.

Summer for colleges and summer for elementary schools don't match up. So while I'm pushing through the month of June 2009 with 8 year olds who can't wait for summer vacation next month, I'm taking summer classes at college because summer begins in June for colleges. Mon-Thurs from 5-8:30 I have class after a long day of work. When will this all end???

Somehow I got through it.

When July 2009 came, my body needed the rest so badly. I just wanted to do lots and lots of nothingness. BUT I couldn't, the drive inside of me doesn't allow me to sit still and do nothing all day, all week, all month, all summer. I would spend hours online, go to the gym, I planned my wedding, I participated in an internship, I went to the movies weekly, went out to dinner often, baby-sat for friends, read lots of books and magazines, cooked all the time, and went on a very nice vacation with my Fiance to the Bahamas click here for photos.

Somehow I got through it.

The school year started up again in September 2009 for both work and graduate class. It felt easier this time around, but still tough going to school because I'm working on my thesis. I finished my Fall semester last week and I don't have to participate in the January intercession. Thank God!

This does mean that when I complete next semester, Spring 2010 (Feb-May), I'll be all done with Graduate school! I'll be getting my diploma on May 26th 2010!!!

God brought me through it.

Holiday Blues

I have a bad case of the Holiday Blues.

I have no desire to go visit family for Christams. Now a days I'm just so busy I have no desire to go anywhere at all. This cold weather has got to go. I don't remember it getting this cold so early in recent years. It makes me dread going outdoors altogether.

I want to give gifts to some very important people, but 'm not really motivated about the shopping part.

Case in point: Today at work we had our Secret Santa gift exchange gathering and guess who forgot to get the gift for their secret person? I ran out on my lunch break to buy a gift and was so frantic about the whole thing.

I bought a gift that was very nice and the person loved it! Thank Goodness!

Coco Puff and I realize that we need a new microwave so that will be our Christmas gift to eachother. I guess that eliminates the stress behind gift searching.

The one thing that excites me this season is getting into my car and playing my 4 favorite Christmas Carol CDs. I don't know what I'd do without these CDs this season.

Inspirational

A friend of mine recently told me that I helped to motivate her to lose weight a few months ago. I was really touched.

Making the decision in college to lose weight was the best and hardest decision I ever made.

Losing weight is harder then going to college with 2 majors and a minor. It's harder then working as a teacher fulltime and going to graduate school at the same time. It's harder then supporting myself through all of my adult years.

It's hard it's hard it's hard. ...

I started dieting again on Friday after stepping on the scale and seeing numbers I passed a year ago. Numbers that of course were good when I was 230. But not now after being 160 for so long.

I looked at photos of me summer 2008 weighing 160 lbs in a bikini on Miami beach with my BFF and my arms were toned my thighs were firm my abs were tight and my booty was looking right.

I then looked at photos of me this summer in the same bathing suit in the Bahamas and what I saw has encouraged by those photos to get back in shape like I was last year.

I feel like I'm always talking about dieting and losing weight, but then I fall off the wagon or lose motivation.

My friend has inspired me to get back in shape.

Weathering the Storm

I've been away from my blog for over a month now because I've been so angry with it....

I can't believe that after coming here and being completely honest with it for over 4 years it would turn around and cause me harm.

I mean, I actually love blogging and I love sharing my deepest feelings with it. I love having an outlet where I can go and discuss anything... A place to get things off my chest and out of my head. I can share things in a serious or humerous or joyous or emotional way.

But I forgot one very important thing..

My blog is my personal space, but of course its not private. Its attached to a url on the world wide web. At any given time it can be accessed and read and then copied, saved, and/or printed.

It can be the focus of discussion or the private laughter in ones head.

It can be linked to another bloggers page and another and another.

I've come to terms with my anger towards my blog because I know it never meant to hurt me. It was the person who read it and called so and so and made my post more then it was and then that lead to a snowball of things, which then lead to me being moved around, which then lead to me going private.

I've weathered the storm and I'm ready to make amends with it.

Stress At Work

There so much going on I don't even know where to begin. Lately, I've been feeling like just being me is a problem for so many people.

At work my relationship with my partner has died. This partnership was ruined because of me--of course. I'm the one who thinks I know everything. I'm the one who thinks they are in control of everything. I'm the one who is offending. Yada yada yada.

It's like if you do your job well, others want to destroy you.

So I'm the one that got the shaft. I'm being moved out of my classroom and into another.

I'm NOT Nagging BUT...

Number 2

I'm really trying to understand if men really don't pay attention to details.

Coco Puff went to the supermarket to pick up some things that ran out. How awesome of him to help out. But when he brought things home, it was like he just picked up what he saw first.

He eats these foods all the time but when it's his turn to go buy them he suffers from amnesia.

We drink 1% Pamalat, he bought SKIM.

We eat Tostitos plain Tortilla Chips, he buys the pack that comes with a hint of LIME.

We eat Red Seedless grapes, he buys GREEN.

We eat Kellogs Raisin Bran, he buys POST Raisin Bran.

"You're so picky," (he says)

I'm NOT Nagging BUT...

NUMBER 1

I asked Coco Puff to go to the store to pick up a box of Morning Star Vegetarian Chicken Patties (because I ran out) and he buys me Morning Star Vegetarian Ribs with Sauce.

I'm still trying to make the connection between the two....

"They are both in a green box...." (he says)

Research, Research, Everywhere

I'm sitting in my research methodology course right now sitting in front of this darn computer trying to do research.

What am I researching??

Where do I begin??

I have no clue.

I have to come up with a research problem that is clear and carfully stated. It has to address an important problem related to students with special needs. It has to address a problem that can be interpretable, researchable, can be tested on the students in my class and add to the body of knowledge.

Where am I going to get this question from?

I can't even get my thoughts together.

I'm thinking of all types of things...

The purpose of this study is to determine the effect of a Collaborative Team Teaching (CTT) Class on students with disabilities versus a Self Contained class?

The purpose of this study is to determine the effectivenes of Harcourt Storytown on students with disabilities in the areas of reading and writing.

The purpose of this study is to evaluate Teachers perceptions on the effectivenes of Harcourt Storytown on students with disabilities in the areas of reading and writing.

I'm sitting here fighting back hunger pangs, begging my eyes to stay open, and trying to beat the urge to walk out of here and go home to rest with my Coco Puff.

No More Copies

Due to budget cuts and very little money to work with. My principal has made it very clear to the staff that we will not be able to make many copies. This is a teachers nightmare. Especially an elementary teacher. The students are at an age where they need to be exposed to a lot of print material, they need to use graphic organizer when brainstorming for a writing piece, and my special ed students often need materials not available in the class books.

I wrote out my Math and Science lesson plans for next week. For Science, there aren't enough Lab Manuals and Resource books for everyone so that forces me to go and make copies. For Math, I have materials that will supplement what is done in class, these need to be copied.

Multiply each sheet by 18 students and that equals A LOT OF COPYING.

I went to Staples after my advanced aerobics class this morning, to make the copies. I spent almost $30 in there, just making copies for next week! Can you imagine how much money I'm going to spend on copies this year??

My principal says we should use our Teacher's Choice allotment of $150 for copies. Like thats enough money anyways. If we do use this money for copies then we will have to use our own money for all the materials needed for class projects that aren't built into the curriculum. Or worse, we just don't do anything that we don't have the materials for.

When the Government takes money away from education, everyone suffers.

Can I Really Do This??

I usually never post more then once in a day, but I just had to post this.

Last night officially kicked off my first day of my 2nd year of graduate school and I have a 3.5 hour Research class for my thesis!

We will not spend any class time on the computers developing our thesis.

Tonight was the first night that I felt like graduate school was hard. Up until now I've carried a 3.7 GPA without even really trying and working full time.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

5 chapters and each chapter could be as long as who knows!

It Can't Get Any Worse - Can It?

Coco Puff and I live on the 1st floor of an apartment building and our windows are ground level so it's not uncommon to have critter friends stopping by often.

Coco Puff and I were home one evening 3 weeks ago when one came in uninvited.

OH SHIT! Do you see the size of that bug???

(I'm not even in the room with you, how will I see it?)

No babe, I don't see it

Quick get me the spray!

(Why does this man want me to come in there with him and this bug?)

Catch

He sprayed it until it died and then came out of the room with the spray looking like he caught a fugitive.

Do you know I went to plug something into a socket yesterday and saw this big ol'e dead waterbug belly up on the floor!!??!? He never cleaned it up. And I sure ain't gonna clean it.

How could he just leave it there!?

Please tell me he's not always gonna be this gross.

A Good Deal Isn'tAlways the BEST Deal

My Coco Puffs cousin is getting married in Jamaica this October. Initially, when we heard of the plans we were excited and planned on attending. After we began spending money on our wedding, we realized this might not be a wise expense and we could always just send a gift, right?

My mother in law was sad to hear that we weren't going to make it and she made it very clear that if we weren't going, she wasn't! (IDK why...) She decided that she would pay for our airfare and hotel (How nice of her...)

I went online searching for tickets from NY to Jamaica --looking for the best deal possible--I found 2 tickets from NY to Kingston, Jamaica for $600! Awesome!

We booked the tickets on Thursday.

I found out yesterday that Kingston Airport is 5 hours away from the resort where the wedding will be held....OMG 5 hours! I didn't even know Jamaica was that big.

I immediately went into panic mode and called Coco Puff to tell him about my mistake. He says "No worries, you'll fix it. Muah! I love you even if we're flying from Alaska!" (Uhhhhh thanks....)

I checked tickets from NY to the Montego Bay, Jamaica Airport--which is 15 minutes from the resort--the ticket difference will be another $1,000. (Thats crazy)

I checked tickets from Kingston, Jamaica airport to Montego Bay, Jamaica airport--that flight would be only 40 minutes but costs over $600. (For a 40 minute flight in the same country??)

I checked taxi fare from Kingston, Jamaica to Montego Bay, Jamaica--The drive will be 4-5 hours and it costs $290, then of course $290 back. (Who wants to drive for 5 hours?)

So it looks like either way we have to pay another $600-$1000. (Exactly what I tried to avoid)

OMG how am I gonna tell me mother in law I did this??
And that it costs her an additional $600-$1,000....

Daddy's ALWAYS right, right? #3

You may want to read Daddy's ALWAYS right, right? #1 and Daddy's ALWAYS right, right? #2 before you read this one to help you understand the series.

Your choice. No pressure.

My father celebrated his birthday on Friday and I called him on Wednesday to ask him if he was doing anything so that I could come and spend time with him. He lives on Staten Island and I live in Brooklyn. In order to get to my dads house, I have to cross the Verazzano bridge. There is a $12 toll on this bridge!!! This keeps me from traveling to Staten Island often.

My father knows that Coco Puff and I have been really tight with spending money because we are paying for our wedding, we have student loans along with our normal bills, and we are saving for a home. All of this makes me not drive much to save gas and also paying $12 tolls is out of the question.

Like I said I called him on Wednesday to see what plans were made for Friday.

Hey daddy! What you got going on over there for your big day?

Hey...Well nothing much, I'm just gonna invite a few of the guys over to sit with me

(That means they are gonna get their drink on, my pops is old school. Pinky ring with top hat and brandy in a short glass)

Well I wanted to come and spend some time with you, but you know that toll is a killer. And Coco Puff and I are coming down there on Saturday too, for Angel's BBQ. So I was wondering if you could meet me right off the bridge?

(My dad has a business EZPass which allows him to cross bridges and tunnels and bypass tolls. His business pays the bill. All he would have to do is drive 6 minutes from his house to pick me up across the bridge.)

Meet you across... well I wont be having.... uhhhh, what time were you thinking?

(Why is this man studdering?? I'm asking him to help me out so I can come spend time with him on his birthday and he's acting like I asked him to cosign on a loan.)

Maybe 4 or 5, you can let me know which is best for you.

Alright, we will see.

Now let me tell you that my father is the type to get upset that you didn't come see him and hold it against you in the future. When he brings this up, because he will, I'll make sure to remind him of how he was studdering when I asked him to come and get me!

Waiting

If there's one thing I can't stand and most likely never will is waiting on someone to pick you up.

I don't mean someone just called and said "Hey, let's go out. I'll come get you". And then you have to wait.

I'm also not referring to instances when you advance have plans for someone to pick you up and your waiting at home.

I'm not talkin about waiting on someone because uncontollable traffic was in their route. Or something came up and needed tending to.

The waiting I'm talking about has everything to do with procrastination. Its when your flight lands at 7pm and your ride knew this days ago, they were reminded that morning, and you called at 4pm to remind them right before the plane shoots up into the air. All of that and you're the one waiting 30 minutes on them after getting your luggage!!

Or how about you told your ride before you left to go out, that you need them to pick you up from the subway or bus station at 12:35am and then you called at 12am to remind them to leave NOW because you know they will keep you waiting. And then you intentionally wait 10 extra minutes--letting 2 trains pass you--just so you won't be frustrated when you get off at the stop. Because of course they won't arrive to pick you up on time, but they have to be there if I arrive 15 minutes later then planned. They have to be there....

Of course they are not. That would be against the forces of nature..... And to top it off, you arrive 15 minutes late and they are nowhere to be found.

I was supposed to arrive here 15 minutes ago. You had 45 minutes to get here. We only live 15 minutes away!!!!!

They Bleed Too

I'm a big fan of the new rap artist Drake. I'm not a big fan of Rap/Hip Hop music, but I jam to some tunes. Of course with rap there are corresponding lyrics that bring about discontent with some verses, but I understand to some degree why this is, but most importantly I can listen past some of the vulgarity.

Drake has some really catchy tunes that I enjoy. My favorite is his new "Successful" song with the sensual sound of Trey Songz singing the chorus -- now that I'm typing this I'm realizing that it's actually Trey Songz that has made me interested in this song.....

Any who, my blog is not a celebrity gossip blog by any means, but something happened to Drake recently and the responses of people to this situation are really bothering me.

Drake has a bad leg --I think it's something with his ACL, MCL, and LCL-- well he fell down on stage while performing and had to be carried off stage. He looked to be in so much pain. Click here to Watch the video footage of his accident.

I read many comments from people about how "this is good for him!", "He deserves this", "He's wack", "He always wears that sweater!", and a whole bunch of other nonsensical points.

What bothers me is how people so easily forget that celebrities are human with aches and pains and a soul. He gets injured on stage and because you may not enjoy his music or think he looks funny you can't have any remorse?

I will say that, he made a very poor judgment on his part to come out and perform and jump around knowing his condition. But as an artist manager, I understand fully the pressure an artist feels to pay the bills!

Just Beat It!

A few months ago I was pulled over and received a ticket for disobeying the flashing red lights of a school bus.


Are you serious?!!
Yes ma'am, you passed the school bus with the stop sign out.
What school bus? I didn't and don't see a school bus.
The bus passed ma'am


Oh please!
My mama always told me not to say this about people, but he was lying!
And what is worse, is I know he knows he's lying.



It was 4:30pm, I had to get to class for 5, I just pulled my car around the corner from being parked all day. I drove down the road exactly 2 blocks when he flashed me. How long does it take to drive 2 blocks exactly? Maybe 30 seconds.... and in that time I managed to pass a BIG Ole' yellow school bus with FLASHING RED LIGHTS??


And wouldn't there have been cars stopped on both sides of the road waiting for the bus matron to get out and make sure the coast was clear, then the little adorable children get out an walk to their home, then finally the bus matron checks under the bus to make sure no one is mistakenly under there before getting on the bus again???


You're telling me I missed all that? COME ON!


I decided to stake out this exact location the following Thursday a half hour before the time I was pulled over. I stayed there up until a half hour after I was pulled over.


Guess what??
There was a bus! In fact 3 buses.
BUT
None of these buses stop where I was pulled over. They don't stop anywhere within the 3 blocks I began my trip and was pulled over.


So I went and got a court date, then went to court. I had all my questions and evidence ready because the burden of proof lies on the officer and we the people are allowed to ask him any questions we feel will help to show our innocence.

The questions I prepared were:

1. What was the number of the bus that I disobeyed?


2. What direction on the road was the bus driving?


3. What direction on the road was my car driving?


4. Where exactly on that road did the bus stop and put on the flashing lights?


5. Did I allegedly pass this bus moments after the lights went on?


6. Where were you standing in relation to the stopped bus?


7. Where were you standing in relation to me?


8. When you realized I disobeyed the flashing lights, did you immediately follow me?


9. What other vehicles were in front of me.


10. Did those vehicles disobey the flashing red lights.

I went to court with my head held high. Got a spot right in front the DMV too!

Went in... waited... waited... and waited....

Some cases were found guilty and some not guilty.

They called my name.... I do.

The officer was called..... I do.
You're honor, I have no recollection of this incident.

The Busy Bee

I've been on vacation since July 26, 2009 @ 3:00pm and my vacation continues through to Sept. 8th, 2009 8:00am.

Inspite of all the free time I have to just lay down and rest, I find myself constantly trying to do something. I've always been this way so this is nothing new to me, but I wonder if there are others like me out there that must be doing things or must be involved in some way.

Everyday in my life is an adventure, because I'm always finding something new to do--Literally.

I'm a teacher, so my workday begins at 6 and ends at 3. I also tutor during the year and I'm in graduate school.

In looking at what I've been doing this month of my vacation I was shocked to see how busy I've kept myself. I've spoken to co workers and when I ask them how their summer is going they say things like "I'm relaxing a lot!" or "I've been taking it easy" But then when they ask me I find myself saying "I've been so busy!"

I had to make a list to see just how busy I am--I was shocked!

I tutor.

I intern for Real Artist Management company a few days a week.

I'manage a rap duo, E.B.B. & F.L.O.W.

I signed up to volunteer with NY Cares.

I assist an elderly woman 2 days a week in this new business I'm launching with my Mother in Law to be.

I write blogs.

I workout in the gym everyday.

I go to the movies on Tuesdays with my cousin.

I spend time reading and responding to blogs everyday.

I find time to support friends and family at their events/parties, bbqs.

I am planning my wedding.

I'm preparing for a cruise to the Bahamas next month.

Boy am I busy!

Oh Whatever, You Know What I Mean

You would think after 4 years he would know what I mean when I say things that were unfamiliar to him before I met him.

For instance, when I was growing up my parents would say "Go take a bath", and it was clear as day what they meant.

When I tell Coco Puff to go and take a bath, he says "I don't take baths"

I look at him like, huh??

Then he says, "I take showers"

*rolls eyes*

Oh Whatever, you know what I mean.

I love that he's so playful.

It's interesting how he differentiates shower and bath. To me, when you take a shower you are indeed taking a bath.

In my culture, we say tub bath, when we mean sit down and bathe. But to him shower means stand up and hearing bath means sit down.

Here's another time this happens that always makes me laugh.

It's morning and he's in bed either going through his iPhone or watching TV or he could be talking right to me and I'll say "Okie, Wake up!

This time, he's looking at him like, huh??

I'll say it again, "Wake up, get ready"

Then he says, "I am awake"

*rolls eyes*
Oh Whatever, you know what I mean.

In my culture, we say "Wake up" to mean get up out of bed. I know he's not sleeping, but he's still lying in bed.

I love Funny moments....

Sunday Fortune: Be Gracious to the Poor

He who gives to the poor will never want, but he who shuts his eyes will have many curses. (NAS, Proverbs 28:27)


This post stems from my trip to the city the other day. I took you all on my journey on the NYC MTA system and I mentioned that a homeless man distracted me from getting off at my stop.

Just about every time I get on the train, a homeless person or an aspiring rapper or a child in need of a sports uniform or whomever else will be on the train begging for money or food.

They always start off the same, "Excuse me ladies and Gentlemen, sorry to bother you...." followed by what circumstance has them begging and then they tell you what they are looking for you to give.

I do give, but not often. I find myself NOT giving because I'm nervous to take out my deluxe tri-fold wallet and then another part of me doesn't know if they really want the money for what they say they want it for. But that really shouldn't be my concern, right?

Helping those in need is a major theme throughout The Bible. The Bible tells about how you should give generously and as a result you will receive more.

For if you give, you will get! Your gift will return to you in full and overflowing measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use to give -- large or small -- will be used to measure what is given back to you." (TLB, Luke 6:38)

But back to this guy in particular.... After he gave is spiel, he went up to everyone one-by-one, looked them right in the eye, and said, "Excuse me sis/brother, do you have any food or change?"

It was so bold.
And it caught my attention.

That's why I realized too late that I didn't get off where I was supposed to and then became frantic about where I should transfer.

But I digress...

I've decided to volunteer my time. I'm on vacation until Sept. 8th, so what better way to spend it.

I've signed up with NY Cares and I have an orientation coming up very soon. I'm excited. Some of the vulonteer projects include, dancing with seniors, being a friend to immigrants or those with AIDS, reading to homeless children, teaching low income adults financial skills etc.

I can even get my students this year involved.

Love is Thoughtful

How precious also are Your thoughts to me...How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. --Psalm 139:17-18

The past two days have not been too good in my house at all and it's been my fault. I realized this after reading a post on BluJewel's blog. I don't even think I should share this on here, but I need to get this out.

A few posts ago, I spoke to you all about how "Something Needs to Change" in my relationship. A lot of you gave me advice in regards to communicating with my fiance on the issue. I haven't communicated with him yet and I have been acting differently towards him and he knows it.

How do I know he knows it?

He's not a fool.

I found the following in a book I needed to revisit:

"Love thinks. It's not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotion and falls asleep mentally. It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions.

When you first fell in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally. You spent hours dreaming of what your loved one looked like, wondering what he or she was doing, rehearsing impressive things to say, then enjoying sweet memories of the time you spent together. You honestly confessed, "I can't stop thinking about you."

But for most couples things change.....Sparks of romance slowly burn into grey embers, and the motivation for thoughtfulness cools."

I've allowed my anger and my reluctance to communicate with him about this situation to make me thoughtless and outright mean. I'm such a loving girlfriend and for the past two days I've been so different.

I usually call Coco Puff and tell him how much I miss him or how much I love him or text him doing the same throughout the day. For the past two days I've had no interest in doing this.

I usually call Coco Puff to see how his day is going. For the past two days I've had no interest in doing this.

I usually find excitement in cooking for him. I haven't cooked anything in this house.

I came home late for the past two nights and really didn't care. I went as far as pushing his hands off of me yesterday when I came in and all last night when he tried to hold me.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I'm getting resentful.

I need to pray for real.