October 19, 2005

Moving On!

Did I ever really move on?

Today would be the 3 yr anniversary of me and my Ex


For some reason I'm
disturbed
bothered
shook up
rattled
uneasy
up set
sulky
angry
irked
mad


Remember this song?

Lauryn Hill "Ex Factor"

It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy


I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will


No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy


Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me

There for me, there for me
Said you'd be there for me

Cry for me, cry for me
You said you'd die for me

Give to me, give to me
Why won't you live for me


Those words...
They are soo deep!
So deep within me
my heart
my mind
my soul

Oh mannnn...

I should not feel this way right now
I'm in a new relationship and I'm the HAPPIEST with him then I've ever been with anyone.
It's not fair to him
It's not fair to me

I'm MOVING ON

And this time....
ITS FOR REAL!

2 comments:

blackcaesar said...

Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity...

that is ny favorite line of the song.
actually, while me and my ex s/o were stil together,
we both enjoyed the lyrics to this song.
i am not a lauren hill fan;
i prefer wyclef.
she was the epitome of what a lauren hill fan...

the main issue i have with these words is:

Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity

those words contradict


it could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars

the reason that these contradict is
if you want to end the war you have to offer some peace.
to receive reciprocity, you have to initiate the goal.
if it could all be so simple, then make it simple.
simplicity will reciprocate.

it's funny that me and my ex used to talk about this song all of the time...
our song of discussion should have been
i used to love him...
we did discuss a similar regae song by dawn penn, called no,no,no.
i realized that she didn't care anymore when she forgot my birthday.
her birthday just past... oops!

JenellyBean said...

The way I interpret her words were as such:

It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will


Being in a relationship where we are both happy could be very easy if you put in and gave me as much as I do. Whether it be, you simply being faithful to me or being considerate of me as I am to you.
This relationship is like a battle b/c you continue to fight against the natural forces that tell you to be good to me. You are so stuck in your ways or so far removed from what a good man should be in terms of our relationship that you hurt me with almost everything you do--lies, infidelity, abuse. And here I am on the defensive side fighting to keep you. So essentially we are both hurt.

So I ask you: "Who do I have to be to get in return what I give?" It's obvious that being me and doing what I do is not enough. I love you unconditionally through all the heartake, strife, and pain, but still, you will not meet me where I am in regards to you.

Do you see where I'm coming from Black?

It is music, and thus we are allowed our own interpretations....

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