December 12, 2005

You CANNOT change the rules!

On Wednesday I went to the Doctors and took an HIV Test.
Remember that?
It was 5 days ago--just this past Wednesday.

Prior to taking the test they ask you a series of questions--
  • How many sexual partners have you had?
  • When was the last time you had unprotected sex?
  • Have you ever had an STI?
  • Are you a drug abuser?
  • ETC

They give you an overview of how the test works--

  • Please read this sheet and sign
  • You need to know that the HIV Test you are taking with us at this location is NOT
  • The test does not check for the HIV virus, it checks for the antibodies

They ask you questions to check your sanity

  • Do you suffer from depression?
  • When was the last time you were depressed?
  • What would you do if your results come back positive?
  • Do you have anyone you can talk to about your results?
  • ETC

Finally, they tell you how long you will have to sit at home sweating and waiting for the results--

  • It will take about 2 weeks for your results to come in

You get up
Walk to the lab
Raise your sleeve
And they draw your blood.

I left the hospital feeling really good; knowing that I just took a necessary step in maintaining my health.

So today is Monday
5 days later
At 8:25 AM
My phone rings
It's the Doctor.

In my head I'm going nutz
My heart went through my ass
I nearly shit on myself

(Gulp) Hello?

"Good Morning Jenell, sorry to call so early, It's Dr. Pereria, How are you?"

(defecating on myself) I'm doing alright and yourself?

"Oh, I'm doing well, thanks. I just wanted to give you the results of your test."

(Praying) Uh huh...

"Your test came back NEGATIVE"

(Almost in tears) Oh NO! Are you serious!?

Now she's confused "Uhhh, Yes I'm serious, your results are NEGATIVE."

(Coming out of my trance and realizing that she just delivered great news)
Ohhh! They are NEGATIVE! That is great....
(getting a bit angry)
Ummmm, I thought you said you weren't going to know my results for 2 weeks and that you wouldn't call if they were NEGATIVE?

"Yes, that is normal procedure, Jenell, but you seemed like you really wanted to know the results, so I figure I'd give you a ring."

(Now I'm Annoyed)
You can't change the rules like that Dr. If you tell someone they are not going to hear from you if their results are negative and that it takes 2 weeks to get the results in, you can't call them early Monday morning, That's not right.

(Realizing the pain she just caused me) "Oh Jenell, I'm really sorry, your results came back early because they were NEGATIVE and I just wanted to let you know before I got swarmed with work. I apologize."

(Still wanting to be mad but so overjoyed about my results)
Thanks Dr.

"Good luck on exams and have a wonderful Holiday."

Thanks, Happy Holidays to you too.

No one could say anything if I got up and banged her!
I would be totally justified!

Now it's 9 am
I have NO CLASS since it's exam week
And my heart is racing so fast it would be impossible for me to go back to sleep.


chele said...

Um ... did you at least change those dirty drawers?

Great news Sweetie! :-)

Freaky Zekey said...

CRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYYY!!!!! There's no other way to put it...Damn Doctors...but glad you're negative!!!!

fratman1906 said...

Glad you were negative. OMG, what an awful thing for the doctor to change the rules in mid-stream. The excuse was lame, too. Shem hotep.

JenellyBean said...

Hey Sister Chele...
LOL, thanks

Hey Peebs...
Hellz Yea, thats CRAZY!!

Hey Fratman...
I know right.
Thanks hun.

Alli said...

I have learned in recent weeks that Drs can change the rules whenever they feel like. They don't take into consideration what impact they will have on you phychologically or the physical part of wanting to vomit....

Glad you are NEGATIVE!!

lyre said...

Congrats on negativity!!! I need to get up the nerve to get that test.

Greg said...

I think your Dr. gets a kick out of f*ckiing with peoples minds.
Glad to hear you are negative.So enjoy your peace of mind now and enjoy the christmas season.


angeleyes said...

Oh wow! haha! I'm sorry about that scare the damn DR gave u early in the morning babe.

I sure am glad you're negative!! Thats whats important, soo yaaayy! :)

Bougie Black Boy said...

this is a great post. love the humor you unintentionally add to it. glad you got tested for hiv. Women need to take charge too. :)

JenellyBean said...

Hey Alli...
I agree they don't realize. I kind of think she just got excited when it came back negative and wanted to let me know. I just don't understand why she argued with me about it not being necessary to call me if it was negative if she was just gonna call me anyways.

Go take it mama Beryl...
Better safe then sorry.

Hey Greg...
Thanks hun.

Thanks Laura...
That is very important, but she can't underestimate how scary that phone call will be.

Hey Stephen...
Thanks hun. Everyone needs to take charge.

"N" Search of Ecstasy said...


The Dr. did the same damn thing to me a couple of years ago. I was so freaked out when she called. It was not the nurse, it was the Dr. She started out like 'Hey how are you doing?". Then she put me on hold for about a minute. I literally thought that I was going to have a heart attack right their on the phone. Turns out eveything was fine, but I was so scared....I told her please do not call my house SCARING ME LIKE THAT!!!!!


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