May 16, 2006

Failure

Ever felt like you failed someone so badly that in doing so you failed yourself?

The pain is so intense within that it feels as if you hurt yourself...

What do you do from there?
How do you get them to forgive you?
Once they do forgive you how do you get back the trust?

How do you stop yourself from beating up on you?

14 comments:

lyre said...

You show love. If they love you they will forget and love you regardless. I am speaking from the hurted perspective.

WELCOME BACK!!!!! :-))

Stephen Bess said...

The important thing is that you learn from the experience. Don't beat yourself up and don't try to go out of your way for them. I would just show them love and kindness and ask for forgiveness. It's up to them from there.

JenellyBean said...

Hey Mama B.....
(Dont know if you want me to say your name on here anymore since you got caught ;-) )

I agree that you must show love, but the "they will forget part" well... I dont know...

I know if they love you they will definately forgive you, but they may not forget. Ofcourse if they love you they will allow you to move on and stay away from the constant reminders, but forgeting is much harder to do.

Dont you think?

Is forgetting an essential part of forgiving?

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Hey Brother Stephen........

Learning is definately key and boy have I learned (did I just give myself away?)

The beating up on myself is my problem though. I feel like because of the mistake that I have caused I have to take certain things and at times I feel as if Im going out of my way. But how do you refute the argument "If you really want this you will do anything?" (within reason ofcourse)

But sometimes the things folks are willing to endure to prove love and how much they really want something is unreasonable.

Georgiapeach said...

Girl I have been in the same situation plenty of times. This is what I have learned:

You can only apologize so many times. Because everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. Life has to go on. Because regardless, there are things that will happen that are much worst. You are still so very young Jenell and you are going to disappoint people in life. Like Bess said, you have to learn from your mistakes. Another thing, don't lie to yourself. Sometimes, you can beat yourself up for a decision that you make, but you have to focus on why you made that decision. For example, I have cheated on my boyfriend and have gotten gotten caught before. Yeah, he was pissed, but but I cheated on him for my own personal reasons. One thing I realized is, that I was 18 years old. I was too young to be in a serious relationship anyways, and I was just being my age. Young and having fun. Do I feel bad now? Hell no, because I have been with my boyfriend for five years now and I am not even the same person I was when I cheated on him, plus I realize he has done some dirt too but so what because we were both maturing into adults, and we all make mistakes. Again, when you are young, it's hard to stay faithful because you do want to explore other options and live life. So I have gotten past that part in my life realizing that what I did wasn't that wrong. Yeah it hurt him and it wasn't until he was older did he realize that we were young and that is what happened. Hell, I am still young, I am only 23.

What I am trying to say is, that you have an entire life a head of you and one day what is going on isn't even going to be an issue, and you are going to have a career, a family, a house. You understand what I am saying? All you can do is apologize, pray and let things run it course. In the meantime, you should wear a smile on your face and be strong. God has a plan, for everyone. Keep you head up, and don't be feeling blue okay? You are not perfect. If they love you, they will look past your perfections, because they are not perfect either.

JenellyBean said...

GA Peach.......

That was inspirational!!!

Thank you sooo very much for expressing something personal as well.

Thank you Thank you Thank you

Georgiapeach said...

No problem. Hope everything works out for you. Actually I know it will. Don't stress yourself. I know it's eaiser said then done, but really don't sweat it too much. Whatever it is. It's like this with me, if it doesn't include a death or someone's bodily injury, it's not the worse that can happen. I know I was tripping about my blog, but I promise you, I had an optimistic view about. I can always make a bigger and better blog next time..lol.

Alli said...

JB
It is always so much easier to forgive someone else than to forgive ourselves for any indiscretions, mistakes we make
Forgive yourself but in the same token be accountable for your actions and Learn from them
JB you are still young and you are bound to mess up screw up or make and error in judgement but beating yourself up is totally counterproductive. We all have our frailties, you are human , we are not and will never be perfect beings. Until you realise that you can't begin to heal yourself, Enjoy your life . One of my favorite expressions says What ever you want to do....do it now....... There are only so many tomorrows...

Remember you can only apologise once, then you move forward...

JenellyBean said...

Alli....


Your words are very helpful... sometimes I forget that Im only 21!

I feel like I'm so much older and I feel like its important to get things right the first time and there are no room for mistakes....
This seems to be my problem.

Whatever I want to do...do it now?

Oh geeze... that seems so hard for me...

I want to be wild!
I want to get loose!!!
I want to be free!!!

BUT I CAN'T!!!

TRUTHZ said...

yeah you have to forgive yourself first...sometimes you be thinking peeps still mad at you cuz you still mad at you.. that's why i sent out that letter cuz i know that i have been really shady...shady for a min w/ peeps who didn't deserve it...but i was going throwing growing pains and i needed to do it in the way that i did it so that when it was over...i could say i learned the lesson

then let it go... life to short to keep bringing up old "bad" stuff

lyre said...

You are a wonderful person and deserve to be free. Plenty of time down the line to settle down. Best to be free than to be in misery andhurt more.

JenellyBean said...

GA Peach....

I'm taking your advice--I'm not sweating it anymore!

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Truthz....

That was strong of you to write that letter. Have you mailed it yet?

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Mama B.....

Thank You.
I agree, I dont want to be in misery and hurt.
I have a lot of decisions to make.

Miss. Z said...

That is something I really need to learn how to do; stop beating myself up. Everything that I do, I try to do with perfection & obviously you can't do it. I need to learn how to laugh at myself more.

chele said...

Wow. Look who decided to post!!! Glad you're back -- sorry you're in such a stressful situation.

We all make mistakes and there is nothing you can do to get someone to forgive you other than asking for forgiveness. My feeling is this, God says that if we repent of our sins than He is faithful and will forgive us ALL our sins (1 John 1:9). So, if God can forgive us ... anybody can. And if they can't ... well, that is their issue. You have to keep it moving. More importantly, if God can forgive us than there is no reason why we can't forgive ourselves.

TRUTHZ said...

yeah, i emailed the letter right before i posted it on here...i will post the responses.

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