July 7, 2009

Somethings Gotta Change

You've heard these sayings before,right?

  • You can't change a man.
  • If thats how he was when you met him that's how he's always going to be.
  • You knew he was like that before you married him.
  • What did you expect? He showed you this side before.
  • Well I'm facing some issues that are making me question whether these old sayings are the wisdom I need to follow.

    My fiance and I are very busy people, but inspite of my busy schedule, I always make sure to get home at a reasonable time and have dinner prepared so we can sit down together and enjoy a good meal and just share that united moment together.

    His schedule often doesn't permit for him to get home at a reasonable time. Some nights after work at 6 he has more and more to do that he doesn't get in until 4 hours later.

    Ofcourse I'm understanding to "what" he has to do that keeps him out, but it seems like it's all the time. And he's not the best with checking in--so I never know what's going on.

    Something needs to change because I don't want my future to be like this at all!


    Mango ;-) said...


    That's where compromise comes in.

    You need to voice your concerns and let him know how/what you're feeling. Tell him that it's important to you that he let you know when he'll be in, not so much that you're checking on him/being a nag, but that you're concerned and also because it's important to you that you two have some time together at the end of the day.

    Johnny Brash said...

    Do you have a man or a dog? Because all that checking in stuff? That cannot fly all the time. Like mango said, do not nag or the marriage will be off lol.

    JenellyBean said...


    You are right that I should say something, but I don't want him to feel I'm not supportive. But I do want to spend time with him at the end of our long days.


    When you are engaged and living with someone, they become your family. When you love someone you get concerned. What do you suggest? I allow this behavior to become progressively worse? Accept it and become an angry Black woman?

    Alli said...

    Ouch those are biting words "That you allow this behaviour to become progressively worse"?
    I think the word allow sends the wrong message here. you are a couple. If there are things that need ironing out it is your responsibility (both) to set aside a reasonable time. Not as soon as he walks in the door, but during a calm period, talk to him express what your needs are. Men at times are not the best communicators and or not realize these things bother you.....
    At the end of the day remember it's YOU he's coming home to.

    JenellyBean said...

    Hey sis,

    You are right, allow is a harsh word. What I meant by using it, is if I know theres an issue and I willing ignore it or choose not to address it, can I then be mad at him?
    Yes, he and I need to have a hear to heart.

    Anonymous said...

    my sunshine is very understanding. he adores you, i'm, sure if you let him know he will make time for you. its all about your approach to the situation! remember communication is the key. what he doesn't know he wil never fix!!

    JenellyBean said...

    Hey Jas!
    Thanks for stopping by my place.

    You are right, I need to communicate with him. I will write it all down so that I dont forget what I want to say.

    chocolate girl ..... said...

    ok jellybean...lol
    dont write it down... say what you feel and whats in your heart...from what ive read and seen you guys are perfect together and nothing you say (good or bad) should get in the way of your loving relationship...good luck sweetie-pie.

    JenellyBean said...


    My Coco Puff and I are perfect together. I just want to write it down to ensure all my thoughts and concerns are addressed.

    I talk a lot! And will sometimes ramble. :0)

    MOMSWEB said...


    I've been married 15 years and I've seen A LOT of changes in my hubby - good and not so good.
    No, you can't change a man, but striving to live the life of Christ and believing in the power of prayer does.

    Yep, communication is KEY and I must say that living together and marriage are definitely different. If we're honest, we try to show our best before marriage. Things surface after marriage - they really do, but it's the love and foundation of your marriage that will see you through.

    I PROMISE you when you have your first baby and your hubby is sometimes late getting home...girl, you won't always try to stay up and wait for him. Enjoy the time now and take one day at a time.

    JenellyBean said...


    It's so good to hear from someone who has experience in a SUCCESSFUL marriage. Congratulations on your 15 years!

    I totally understand what you mean about the power of prayer, I often forget to pray on things like this. I guess a part of me also felt this was petty and that God wouldn't see the importance.... you know how it is when you're young, everything is an emergency, but not to God.

    LOL @ "we try to show our best before marriage"
    ---So this is not who I really am?? Uh Oh!


    After reading your last paragraph about waiting up and children, it makes a lot of sense.

    Thanks for opening my eyes!


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