The past two days have not been too good in my house at all and it's been my fault. I realized this after reading a post on BluJewel's blog. I don't even think I should share this on here, but I need to get this out.
A few posts ago, I spoke to you all about how "Something Needs to Change" in my relationship. A lot of you gave me advice in regards to communicating with my fiance on the issue. I haven't communicated with him yet and I have been acting differently towards him and he knows it.
How do I know he knows it?
He's not a fool.
I found the following in a book I needed to revisit:
"Love thinks. It's not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotion and falls asleep mentally. It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions.
When you first fell in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally. You spent hours dreaming of what your loved one looked like, wondering what he or she was doing, rehearsing impressive things to say, then enjoying sweet memories of the time you spent together. You honestly confessed, "I can't stop thinking about you."
But for most couples things change.....Sparks of romance slowly burn into grey embers, and the motivation for thoughtfulness cools."
I've allowed my anger and my reluctance to communicate with him about this situation to make me thoughtless and outright mean. I'm such a loving girlfriend and for the past two days I've been so different.
I usually call Coco Puff and tell him how much I miss him or how much I love him or text him doing the same throughout the day. For the past two days I've had no interest in doing this.
I usually call Coco Puff to see how his day is going. For the past two days I've had no interest in doing this.
I usually find excitement in cooking for him. I haven't cooked anything in this house.
I came home late for the past two nights and really didn't care. I went as far as pushing his hands off of me yesterday when I came in and all last night when he tried to hold me.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
I'm getting resentful.
I need to pray for real.